One Of Those Days.

Well, I know that I missed a few days. I was just busy having a nervous breakdown. Why didn't anyone ever tell me how hard it would be to be a mom? Seriously. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I never knew it would be this hard. Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mother. It is the greatest thing that I have done or will do in my life. My kids mean more to me than anything, but I think that is why it is so hard.

I have always had a problem with wanting to be perfect. I put a lot of pressure on myself with all things and then when I feel like I am failing, I take it really hard. With my kids, I want everything to be perfect. I want them to grow up and look back on their childhood and want to change nothing. I want them think I am the best mom. I know it impossible to never make mistakes, I know that, but it doesn't take away the sting when I think I made one.

With my husband's job, we had to make the decision to either move with him or stay here. There were pros and cons to both. We moved last year and it was hard. So we decided to stay here this year. I thought that, even though it would be hard to be away from Derrick, it would be best for the kids. They are able to stay in their activities, stay in their school, and stay in their house. Well, though it is best for them, it has proven to be really hard for me. Having a 4, 3, and 1 year old is tiring. They fight, they make messes like it is their job, and they never sleep! Well, the other day, I yelled at them. They would not listen after their bath and I sent them to bed 30 minutes early. I don't think it really bothered them, but I felt like the worst mom in the entire world. I cried for hours. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and even though I was exhausted, I had too much on my mind to sleep.

It was a really hard day for me. I thought about it a lot. I think I really need to give myself a break. My kids are loved and they love me. They are kind, sweet, and caring. They will be fine. Hopefully the next time I feel a breakdown coming on (because I know there will be a next time), I will be able to think of these things and calm down. Fingers crossed.